Saison 1

Cooper: Who kicked your dog?
Pete: I think I'm helping some other guy win over Addison.
Cooper: Good job.
Pete: It'd be weird to punch him out now, right?
Cooper: Yeah, a little bit.

- - -

(Charlotte and Cooper are lying in bed after having sex)
Coop: So, are we dating?
Charlotte: If dirty sex on a regular basis is dating, then... yeah.
Coop: Okay, good... Does that mean I get to be on top?
Charlotte: Never.

- - -

Sex is best when you feel like you want to kill the other person.

- - -

Addison: Hey Pete.
Pete: Hey.
Addison: Have fun at your class!
Naomi: Have fun at your class...
Addison: I'm being a friend,OK? We're doing friendship.
Naomi: Yeah, I'm your friend and you never been that nice to me, ever.
Addison: We are adjusting, all right?

- - -

(To the recorder) Your wife is about to have a baby, Jack. So put down the Blackberry, stop sending Adam to do your dirty work and get over here. Got that, Jack...ass?

- - -

(Dell walks into Naomi's office at the end of the day)
Naomi: Oh, hi, Dell. What is...
(Dell grabs her coat)
Naomi: Oh, thank you.
(He helps her into it, then pushes her against the window, kissing her passionately. He stops. Naomi looks stunned)
Dell: I... I don't have it all together, okay? But I'm not a kid. I'm a man. Who loves you. Who's going to fight for you.

- - -

(About Naomi)
Dell: Every time she walks away from you, she's miserable! And I care about how she feels, okay? I care.
Sam: Dell...
Dell: I know what you think, but this isn't just a crush. Okay? Maybe after so many years you just don't see it. You know how many women think like that, and, and look like that, and laugh like that, and care? One. So far I've met one. And yeah, she's... she's out of my league in every possible way, but I don't care. She... dazzles me. And I'm not stupid enough to hope that one day I'll meet someone like her when the time is right, because I won't. I love her. Okay? And I guarantee you, I wouldn't make her cry.
Sam: Okay, uh, Dell, I know that you're under a lot of stress right now, so I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say those things about my wife.
Dell: (pointedly) Ex-wife.

- - -

Wow, this is so freaking cool, it's like... Rambo time! (he pauses) In... Inside my testicles.

- - -

Addison: Hey Pete.
Pete: Hey.
Addison: Have fun at your class!
Naomi: Have fun at your class...
Addison: I'm being a friend,OK? We're doing friendship.
Naomi: Yeah, I'm your friend and you never been that nice to me, ever.
Addison: We are adjusting, all right?

- - -

"I think I'm helping some other guy win over Addison."

Pete

- - -

"It's amazing what some people will do to entertain themselves."

Naomi

- - -

[about Sam] "He's fighting for her."

Dell

- - -

Naomi: God's trying to tell us something.
Sam: It's a coincidence.
Naomi: No. We... we have sex and then the day after, our priest summons us? It's the fires of hell, Sam. We had sex!
Sam: Just don't mention that we got a divorce. I don't need a lecture. Play it cool.

- - -

Addison: Ring me if we get a Safe Surrender call. I'll be just down the street. I've got a thing.
Pete: A thing?
Addison: Yes.
Pete: Well, don't drink. Friends don’t let friends drink and save babies.

- - -

Naomi: Still don't think God's trying to tell us something?
Sam: You don't really think we're being punished for what we did last night?
Naomi: What, just because we may have some rare tropical, probably deadly, disease the morning after we have sex?
Sam: Well, if we are sick... I'm glad we got some.
Naomi: How sentimental.
Sam: That was a joke... I was joking.

- - -

Pete: Just a hint. You don't have to tell us the...
Violet: He calls himself Trunk.
Cooper: Okay... well, when I think "trunk" in relation to a guy, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Elephants' trunks, very large... oh! Is he... freakishly large? Is he hideously...
Violet: I can't tell you!
Cooper: Trunk!

- - -

Pete: Addison's date last night was with a patient of Violet's. Now Violet seems worried.
Cooper: No way. Awesome. What's the deal?

- - -

Addison: This girl, Darcy, she carried her for nine months. I've had her for one night... one night, and the thought of her being thrown into some foster home is killing me.
Naomi: You can't have this baby, Addison.
Addison: I know... I named her ... Batgirl.
Naomi: (laughs) Okay, you just can't have kids.

- - -

Sam: Can I get you anything? Some tea, or wine?
Addison: Wine... I called Naomi, but, uh, no one answered
Sam: You want to talk about it?
Addison: It was, um, a night, you know? Just a night, and uh, like I called Naomi and she wasn't home, and I... I just couldn't... go home yet.

- - -

Yeah, let's talk, let's talk smack!

Cooper

- - -

They are behind closed doors.

Sam

- - -

Violet: I like your breasts.
Addison: You have a good ass.
Violet: Thank you! I like it.
Naomi: Hey hey hey! The point is, we should not be having sex in the office.
Violet :Who is having sex in the office?
Naomi: No one. No one! That's the point! It gets complicated, you just... you don't know where you stand.

- - -

Addison: ...I was humiliated.
Violet: Were you completely naked? Did you stand in front of him like a pealed banana while he looked over your best parts? Because I have good parts and Cooper passed on them. I have good parts!

- - -

(to Violet) Batgirl can only sleep in total darkness.

Addison

- - -

Violet: A trunk is a place where you might put all sorts of things, things you might have... taken or borrowed from another person... In an anatomical sense.
Addison: Oh God!!! Where is my shoe?

- - -

Priest: I would sneak in at night and we would ...
Sam: You don't have to say.
Priest :I would sneak in at night and we would... cook.
Naomi: Cook?
Priest I couldn't boil water before she arrived, never had to. But then I would see her and she was just so graceful and smart. When anyone else was around, I would ask her for pointers.

- - -

"If they talk about us, we should talk about them."

Sam

- - -

"I don't get stood up. I'm Addison."

Addison

- - -

Violet: Rip off the bandaid, Coop. I did.
Cooper: Yeah... can't.
Violet: You... you have to... you've already seen me naked.
Cooper: I know, and you're... beautiful. I'm sorry. I... thought I could but...
Violet: You can't reject me, you have low standards... you have no standards!
Cooper: It's different, Violet.
Violet: No, it's not different! I... I am offering you uncomplicated, unemotional sex.
Cooper: No! You're... you're not some random girl from the Internet, with you it doesn't mean nothing... it never will...

- - -

Cooper: Oh, you're... wow, you're naked.
Violet: Yeah, it makes the sex easier.
Cooper: It's just, ah, I've never seen you naked. In the office you always have your clothes on.
Violet: Well, yeah, I try to be a professional.

- - -

Addison: We... were just talking about a case...
Pete: I was... She needed a consult on the...
Dell: [points to his head] Locked. In the, uh, Dell vault. All right? Patients are here.
Addison: We're in the Dell vault.
Pete: Locked in the Dell vault.

- - -

Pete: I think we should stop kissing.
Addison: Ohh.
Pete: I mean, come on, what are we, 12?
Addison: No. We... definitely, you're not.
Pete' [leans in for another kiss, but Addison stops him]
Addison: Which is why I do not want to be just another notch in your... acupuncture table.

- - -

This IS the good stuff.

Pete

- - -

Violet: He recognizes something in me, something that makes him feel whole.
Some talk about the camp David Summit, some chat about how we can't possibly, the Secret Service is... The next thing you know, I have a Presidential Library in Little Rock and there's a legendary picture of me and Bill laughing and sharing sections Of "The Times" while our child plays under the dinner table... And... orgasm.
Naomi: You're really over Allan, aren't you?
Violet: Oh, I got Bill now. Bill's all I need.

- - -

Violet: William Jefferson Clinton.
Addison: Huh?
Violet: It's 2010, Bill and Hillary have grown apart, it's nothing he did, just... it happens. We inexplicably run into each other a the Lincoln Memorial, and it's very late at night.
Addison: Oh. My. God.

- - -

Pete: We were not...
Addison: I am leaving, I'm hitting out.
Pete: What just happened?
Addison: Pete the cowboy, Pete the gladiator, thank you for that. It'll help.
Pete: Help for what?
Addison: Just this itch I've got.

- - -

Addison: You hit some one?
Pete: I know. It's stupid and incredible...but this guy, he was a... he deserved...
Addison: No it's not that, it's just...you hit someone, with your fist, like a cowboy, like a... gladiator!
Pete: Yeah, yeah, like a gladiator.

- - -

Addison: Come here, let me see. Don't be scared. I'm a board Certified...
Pete: ... Neonatal Surgeon. And that helps me how?

- - -

You guys are so not friends. You are like a corporation.

Violet

- - -

Pain is what forces us to grow.

Sam

- - -

Violet: Are you going to this Addison thing?
Cooper: I'll go if you go.
Violet: You know what? There comes a point when you're life is set, when you're done with new people. I mean, honestly do I really need a new friend?
Cooper: No, not with me around. I mean I'm a lot of friend. I'm like two double patties worth of friend.
Violet: That's what I'm saying.
Cooper: That's what I'm saying.

- - -

Violet! Step away from the pee-pee.

Cooper

- - -

Sam: You are a bald man,come on say it.
Lewis: I'm a bald man.
Sam: You are a strong proud bald man.
Lewis: I'm a strong proud bald man.
Sam: You are a strong proud bald man!

- - -

How is that guy and the guy who hired me a stripper the same person?

Sam

- - -

Ginger: Hey, Coop.
Cooper: Hey... Ginger. I didn't recognize you in... I didn't recognize you.

- - -

Addison: You bought a bike?
Violet: Yeah, it's custom built, it's from Italy, and Allan is never getting his hands on it, ever. I don't care if it costs $6,000.
Addison: You bought Allan a $6,000 bike?
Violet: I... I ordered it last year. It just arrived today... on his birthday.
Addison: Brutal.

- - -

Sam: Addison is mad at me because Cooper hired a stripper.
Violet: I'm ignoring the stripper. Today is a day for ignoring things. I am all business today.

- - -

Naomi: Look at him, sitting up there with that dumb little dog.
Addison: Well, if you want,we could... I mean, you want to go and say hi, or... or you could just look a little longer.
Naomi: Yeah, the last one.
Addison: Okay.

- - -

Cooper: You're just... you're, uh, you're just honest. That's your fatal flaw. It's my favorite thing about you.
Violet: All right.
Cooper: Come here.
Violet: You want to help me run the bike over with my car?
Cooper: Absolutely.

- - -

Violet: Do you have a hacksaw?
Cooper: Is this helping?
Violet: Yeah. Yeah, actually. It's very therapeutic. Oh, damn it. I am so full of crap. I went over to allan's with the bike. But he'd already gotten one... from Cami.

- - -

Sam: The next girl I date will be amazing. She will be beautiful, she will be intelligent, and she will be rash free.
Naomi: She'll be better than me?
Sam: She will be way better than you. Okay?
Naomi: Okay.

- - -

Sam: You have something.
Ginger: Thanks. You're sweet too.
Sam: No, you got something right here.
Ginger: Huh?

- - -

Sam: Hey man, what were you thinking?
Pete: It's a long, sad story.
Cooper: Did you do the thing were she...
[Addison and Noami enter]
Cooper: ... ummm, could be pneumonia.

- - -

This hospital's been 124 years building this reputation. I'm not gonna ruin that by chatting with you.

Dr. Charlotte King

- - -

Gloria Walker: Stevie, close the door honey
Stevie Walker: I'll leave it open so next time dad passes out no one's gotta break a window to get in.

- - -

Addison: I'll get you a tissue
Dr. Charlotte King: I'm fine
Addison: It's okay. It's been a big day
Dr. Charlotte King: Montgomery, I’m chief to over 200 physicians. You call this big day? This place is making you soft.

- - -

Naomi: No Ginger. She can't be her. Ginger can't be her.
Sam: Okay, you're gonna have to translate from freaked out language to normal people language.

- - -

Violet: Cooper, how do you even
know how to find a stripper?
Cooper: Ginger is not a stripper.
She's an entertainer.
Violet: What does that even mean?

- - -

Addison: What kind of surprise is this?
Cooper: One named Ginger.

- - -

Addison: What are you people doing in my house?
Cooper: I told you. It's a surprise. It's a surprise for Sam.
Addison: You know about this?
Pete: Sadly, I do.
Addison: If it's a surprise for Sam, then why aren't you at Sam's house?

- - -

A lot of men have a joy of seeing me naked. A lot! Well, not a lot... I mean.. 8, Well... 11.

- - -

Violet: Look, I know she has the largest chunk in this practice, but we agreed to equal votes. We are supposed to vote! Sam, you ought to do something!
Sam: What, me?
Violet: This divorce is killing us! You need to go apologize.
Pete: Just say you were wrong for walking out, so we can go back to being a happy family.
Violet: Yeah!
Sam: I never... I didn't... I am not apologizing to her. She's the one.... Naomi hires Addison and then moves her in right next door to me. I saw her naked this morning.
Cooper: You saw her naked?
Pete: Did she look good naked?
Violet: Focus!

- - -

Sam: It's a power play. Naomi is trying to show that she has the power.
Pete: Why did Addison take the job anyway? Wasn't she a big shot in Seattle?
Violet: Is it just me or did Naomi just run over us with a steam roller.
Pete: Is she crazy?
Sam: Naomi's insane.
Pete: I mean Addison. Is she some kind of crazy person who gets kissed once, then decides to change her whole life?
Cooper: You kissed Addison? Really?
Violet: Focus!

- - -

Pete: What is that?
Cooper: Someone is getting happy.
Naomi: Mr. Wilson is giving a sperm deposit. Get away from the door.
Pete: That's a loud deposit.
Sam: Go Mr. Wilson!
Naomi: You guys are so immature these days.

- - -

Do you think there's something wrong with having sex with a woman who wants you to call her... mama?

Cooper (to Addison)

- - -

I want a change, I need a change, and this is how I'm gonna do it. In L.A., at that practice, with those people!

Addison

- - -

[as we see Sam having a heart-to-heart with his little dog] Her ex-husband, Sam, is an internist. You wish you had his people skills.

Addison

- - -

[as we see Cooper chained to the bed] Cooper, a pediatrician, one of the best in his field. A pro.

Addison

- - -

[to Richard] And Pete, he does alternative medicine. As a surgeon, I don't believe in that kind of thing, but the man is a healer.

Addison

- - -

Richard: You dance in your underwear?
Addison: Maybe I'll dance naked!

- - -

I’am changing my life. Now I can walk away angry or I can walk away with your blessing.

Addison

- - -

Addison: You didn't tell them you hired me.
Naomi: Oh, they'll get over it.

- - -

Violet: You'll have Dell.
Naomi: He's studying to be a midwife.
Addison: The cute boy who answers the phone?

- - -

Addison: Do you know how many babies I deliver a day?
Naomi: Well, here you'll be lucky if you deliver one.
Addison: One patient the entire day?

- - -

I told you, we do things differently here. This may be a big city, but this co-op is about practicing small-town medicine. Every patient is special, every patient gets our full attention.

Naomi

- - -

It's not about surgeries. It's about connecting.

Naomi

- - -

You wanted change. This is it.

Naomi

- - -

Cooper: Uh, we need to talk to you.
Addison: I'm just gonna go some...
Naomi: No, stay. She is staying.

- - -

Addison: I'm a world-class neonatal surgeon. And I'm here to stay. Welcome to the new Oceanside wellness.
Naomi: That's why I didn't tell you she was coming.

- - -

Naomi: Plus you'll have Pete. Laboring moms love Pete.
Addison: The alternative medicine guru?

- - -

Richard: Why is there a letter of resignation on my desk?
Addison: I told you. I got a job offer.
Richard: I don't want to hear this again. Working at a private medical co-op, moving to L.A.? This is not my Addison. My Addison is a world-class neonatal surgeon.

- - -

So you want me gone? Too bad. I'm in! I'm putting my foot down. My foot's down, it's down. I'm not going anywhere!

Addison

- - -

Dell: You know, I... I could help. You know, with Lucy. I'm good. You don't take me seriously.
Addison: What?
Dell: You think I'm dumb surfer boy.

- - -

Addison: She really knows who she is. What she wants.
(cuts to Naomi, in the bathroom eating cake, crying)
Naomi: Mother just needs a moment to herself!!

- - -

I wanted to see you fight... just once!

Sam

- - -

Addison: I want to hear you say it out loud.
Pete: You didn't move down here because I kissed you.
Addison: [walks away] Thank you.
Pete: You so moved down here because I kissed you.

- - -

Addison: "What was that for?"
Pete: "To remind you that you’re not dried up. If you need me to remind you again... lemme know."
Addison: "Okay."

- - -

Pete: "What’s wrong with flirting?"
Addison: "What’s wrong with it? What’s wrong? What’s wrong is that I don’t have time for it. I am out of time. I missed my chance. And now I have two eggs left, I might as well have no eggs left. I am egg-less. Naomi says she’s dried up? I’m the one who's dried up. I’m all barren and dried up. And I’m clearly wasting my time on men. I mean I might as well take up a hobby. Like needlepoint or collecting those ceramic dolls because that’s what dried up women do – they do needlepoint. They don’t waste there time flirting with men who clearly just want to get laid. They don’t waste their time telling overly personal information about their eggs to total strangers. Oh my God. I'm sorry."

- - -

Pete: "You okay?"
Addison: "Yeah. I, um, had a little too much surgery today. I’m good."
Pete: "You look good. You look beautiful. Sam told me I had to stay away from you because your Naomi’s friend."
Addison: "Stop it."
Pete: "What?"
Addison: "You're flirting."

- - -

"There you are. I just stopped by to see how Lisa and the baby are doing."

Pete

- - -

Cooper: "It's wrong?"
Naomo: "You need to meet a grown up. You need to date someone your own age."
Violet: "Someone without a porny internet name and perhaps no criminal past."
Naomi: "A nice girl."
Violet: "A reliable girl."
Naomi "Someone who you can have a relationship with."
Violet: "You’re a respected doctor."
Naomi: "Go out in the real world. Meet a woman your own age and go out."
Violet: "Be a man."

- - -

Violet: "What’s the matter, Cooper?"
Cooper: "I don’t go to hookers, I don’t go to strip clubs. I meet women on the Internet. Who want to meet me. So I like them a little younger and a little dirtier. Is that wrong?"

- - -

Naomi: "Addie, there are other options."
Addison: "Yeah, I know about the options."
Naomi: "I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted this."
Addison: "It's okay. I just, um, I just didn't realize that I was out of time."

- - -

"I have a great guy, I don't have a baby, because I'm focusing on my career. Then I have the other guy and I don't have his baby because he's not the great guy. And now I don't have the great guy or the other guy and I'm finally ready to have a baby but I can't. That is so... exactly what my life is."

Addison

- - -

Naomi: "There is no fertility potential here."
Addison: [sarcastically] "Ahh. Okay, this is good. This is um, this is just... perfect."

- - -

"It's just, where I come from elevators tend to be this kind of aphrodisiac, you know? People get on them and they just get all horny."

Addison

- - -

Sam: "Hey...you want details, go see Naomi."
Addison: "She won't talk about it."
Sam: "Ah. Then you get no details."
Addison: "I'm on your side, you know that?"
Sam: "That's why you get no details."
Addison: "Details!"
Sam: "Woman, be quiet..."
Addison: "I even missed you."

- - -

Addison: "Did you cheat?"
Sam: "Two things I learned back in kindergarten. One, keep your hands to yourself. Two, he who smelt it, dealt it."
Addison: "That makes no sense."
Sam: "Yeah... well, you cheated... you cheated on your husband with his best friend. There. Smelt it, dealt it. It works."
Addison: "You're using fart logic!"

- - -

Sam: "Ow!"
Addison: "Idiot – you divorced Naomi?"
Sam: "Just mind your own business."
Addison: [slaps Sam again]
Sam: "Ouch!"
Addison: "Moron. She’s my best friend."
Sam: "Stop hitting me on top of my head."

- - -

Naomi: "You got fat."
Addison: "I did not!"
Naomi: "Your hair is hideous."
Addison : "It is not!"
Naomi: "And you're getting really, really ugly."
Addison: "Aww. I missed you too."

- - -

Addison: "You work with your ex-husband in a shrine for your ex-husband."
Naomi: "It’s actually a good book. And we're friends. And we stayed friends after we divorced. It’s very healthy. We're healthy."
Addison: "What happened between you and Sam?"
Naomi: "Addison, you and I were close in med school, but it was a long time ago."
Addison: "Oh, Naomi. Come on. You can’t stay mad at me forever. I know you."

- - -

[asked if a husband with sexual problems still likes sex] "He's a guy and he's not dead. I'm guessing yes."

Jackson

- - -

"Never talk about your penis when you hug another man."

Jackson